Just saw HBP and very much enjoyed it. Tom Felton surprised the hell out of me -- I thought he did a great job embodying and complicating Draco's character.

One quick note about Slughorn beneath the cut.

( Slughorn )

I'm at a business conference through the weekend, holed up for now in a much swankier hotel than normal but still unenthusiastic about spending Friday night in meetings and preparing to spend the rest of the weekend in meetings, as well. I'm an "official observer" from my company for this set of meetings, and, although this is not a stressful job it is at times a boring one. I am actually *prohibited* from saying a single word while the meetings are in session and observe the discussions from a side table, taking notes and feeling guilty about not doing any actual work. Then I have to eat meals with the committee members, who are all very friendly and knowledgeable, but it's not the best situation for my introverted self, having to socialize but not getting to have a role in the meeting. I just got an amazing arugula and pear salad via room service, though, so I'll live.

Looking back on the past few months, I've spent a lot of time on the road, primarily for work. I suppose I knew that signing up for the bandom bigbang reflected higher aspirations than my current time management/job situation allows, but I'm glad to have signed up even if I didn't get close to finishing. I did get some writing done and was able to springboard into some original fiction that I've shared (in part) with the writing group I occasionally attend as a substitute. Baby steps there, but steps.

I've been completely and totally won over, heart, body, and spirit, by the Bouncing Souls. I'm not even sure I can go into this subject too much without ending up writing 28 paragraphs, but suffice to say that I've been to 7 Souls concerts since the beginning of the year as well as 3 side concerts featuring members of the Souls. (And I've just purchased tickets to 4 more shows.) The experience of their live shows is (for me) simply joyful. The odd part about getting so deeply into them, though, has been the feeling of entering a new fandom...and not being able to find the rest of the fandom. There is simply not the internet fan base for them that there is for other groups. I love that I have connections with a small group of friends who go to shows, but sometimes I want to flail with the internet over things such as the completely ridiculous 20th-anniversary "TV special" they just posted.

Not sure if a lot of people would be interested, but I may try to put together a small primer post about them. If nothing else, I may link to some videos.

It's also jarring to me that they are so approachable. Not that I mind, but, because I feel as strongly about them as I do about MCR, in my mind I keep thinking that they have the same audience as MCR, which, of course, they don't. Unlike Gerard, Greg can just ask mid-concert if anyone could give him a ride back to Jersey after the show and not risk getting kidnapped. If I start writing too much about Greg, this entry will never end, but I just find him to be such a beautiful person who is just so...zen. I love listening to him sing and watching him do his awkward lounge singer dance, and I love talking with him. (And I love when he takes my request for a song!) A group of us had an experience with him that showed me that he is truly, truly not attached to outcomes, and being around that attitude felt amazing.

Yes, I did first check them out because they are Frank's favorite band, but, hey, Frank likes beautiful things. I was thrilled that I spent the one-year anniversary of the MSG MCR show seeing the Souls at Asbury Lanes.

I always miss being here. I did make a DW account under this name, as well, but not sure if/when I am transferring over.

You fit into me
like a hook into an eye

a fish hook
an open eye

I'm running late for work because of the Desolation Row video.

How can I turn away from a video in which both Frank and Mikeyway appear to be wearing chains around their necks? I know, I know...it's supposed to be all punk, but that's just not how it reads to me.

I've missed them so much. If I'm getting emotional just seeing a new video, I'm going to be a wreck when I finally get to see a concert again.

Also, in concert, is there any way that Gerard is going to be able to sing the line "the other's in his pants" without putting his hand down his own pants?

ETA: Ok, well Frank may be wearing a lock around his neck? Same bad thoughts here. Also, he should never stop sticking his tongue out at the cops after he's been arrested. Brat. <3

Yesterday's roadtrip down to New Jersey and today's struggles with the icy roads have tired me out, but I wanted to at least write something about going to the Leathermouth album release party. I can't promise this will be extremely coherent or cohesive.

At any rate, here is an overly long retelling of my experiences at the Leathermouth show.

( These veins are borrowed. This heart only beats for you. )

I'm really not psyched to be heading out by my lonesome to do a work conference in Sacramento this week. Anyone know of anything fun in the area I might be able to do on Friday night? I'll have a rental car, but probably won't be able to leave the general vicinity of Sacramento (or else I'd be on my way to the Bay Area...).

Just thought I'd see if any one of you knows Sacramento at all! *hugs*

Anchored (MCR, Ray/Frank, 3100 words)
Rating: R
Warnings: D/s, background angst
Summary: Frank needed Ray to help him stop worrying, if only for a little while. A story from the Paramour, written for Trey in the xmas_rocks exchange.
Notes: This is a work of fiction. Thanks very much to millari for the early advice and the beta.

( Mikey had begun to look like he was living underwater. )

As part of my plan for getting back into touch with people and with myself, I did end up doing yuletide this year, despite initial (and then persisting) worries about my ability to leap back into any sort of public writing. Many thanks to my friends who held my hand and/or gave me much-needed tough love to keep me going.

I ended up writing a Neverwhere story, The Return, or Quid Pro Quo, for nebula99. The story is a Richard/Marquis de Carabas friendship fic with a slashy undercurrent. I had a lot of fun doing some world-building; Neil Gaiman's sandbox is always a great playscape.

In return, I received two wonderful fics. This year, I requested all Westerns, as I have really been yearning for some Western-based fic. This may not be something I talk about too much now, but, as a teenager, I was obsessed with Westerns. Young Guns was one of my favorite movies. I recorded Bonanza reruns every day to feed my crush on Adam Cartwright. And so forth.

So, needless to say I was so delighted to receive, from pesha, a Young Guns story, A Better Man With a Better Life, that centers on my favorite character, Doc Scurlock, and his relationship with Mr. Tunstall. The story really echoes true to the characters, and deepens my understanding of both characters in a fundamental way. The emotional core of the story is bittersweet and heartbreaking and lovely. Thank you so much, pesha (waves!).

In addition, I also received a wonderful Red River story, A Good Swiss Watch, by David Hines ( hradzka ). This story continues the tone and characterization from the movie so strongly it may as well have been a coda to the movie. Again, I was struck by how much this story helped me to examine the interrelationships among characters, in this case the very complicated Dunson/Tess/Matt/Cherry foursome. The author draws on some wonderful metaphors and imagery from the landscape of the film to underscore the action and the tone.

I also wanted to mention a few other stories that caught my eye: The Absolute Absurdity of End-Series Items, by lcsbanana, is an excellent House of Leaves story that continues the format, tone, and chilling content of the book. There were also two great Brothers Karamazov stories this year, both of which I would recommend to anyone who is interested: Guests, by zeldadestry, really captures Ivan's voice and experiences, and In the Garden, by melanie_anne is a wonderful look at Alyosha.

These stories thrilled me because I've very much been on a Dostoevskii kick lately, and, in particular, have been thinking a lot about the dynamics between Ivan and Alyosha, as well as the interrelationships among them and Liza Khokhlakova, who really shouldn't be one of my all-time favorite characters in Russian lit, and yet is. (Ditto for Isabella Linton and English lit.)

OK, I need to get back to editing. Hope you are all well!

Home sick from work after a sleepless night of coughing. I have new cough medicine now, and it seems to be helping a bit more.

So, because I am home, I just read Frank's post about the Bouncing Souls, and it filled me with glee. I am working on an epic description (mostly for myself) of the three-day experience we all had at the "Home for the Holidays" shows in Asbury Park. The short version is: I have never been to concerts so full of love and positive energy, and I emerged from that weekend changed, if not in a fundamental way, at least in my overall outlook on life. It makes me happy to see Frank feeling this joy, too; it was also wonderful to get to see him play along with the Souls during True Believer on the last night of the shows, singing his heart out and grinning the whole time. He gets to play in his favorite bands, and he's still a fanboy, too.

I cannot wait to see the Souls again, forever. And "Gasoline" is a beautiful song. And the Souls are beautiful people.

And I'm obviously tired and sick and blathering.

It's a new year, and, as arbitrary as a change in a number is, this seemed a good time to jump back into the internet in a more substantial way. One of my main goals for myself in 2009 is to improve my communication all around, and I say this as someone who has a six month backlog of e-mails and other communication. (Yikes!) BUT I am going to catch up on everything now, as I am trying to break my pattern of withdrawing when life gets difficult and then being afraid to get in touch with people again once I have been out of touch. As with anything, the longer my lack of communication goes on, the worse I feel about it, and the more I feel I need to write the most spectacular e-mail in the history of all e-mails to make up for it...and the more I withdraw, again.

So, I am hoping to get caught up and start fresh and make amends, as possible, for my lack of communication. The second half of 2008 was a series of complications (work travel, my mom having intensive surgery and needing my help, work travel, pneumonia, more work travel, several root canals) that culminated in the difficult decision, in December, to have to put my beloved cat Spooky to sleep. That was the right thing to do for him (he was down to 5.5 pounds from 15 pounds, and the tumor wasn't going away), but it was still a difficult time and pretty much wiped out the holidays for me.

Anyway. Fresh start? Looking ahead to 2009, I clearly need to continue working on the work/life balance issue, and also look for a better balance than: work like crazy/travel for work/go to concerts/get sick/start it all again. (And as I write this I am, yet again, sick. Not pneumonia-level, but probably bronchitis again, as well as laryngitis. Bleh!) The concerts have given me an escape from my head that I never thought possible and also brought some amazing people in to my life, but I need to take them a bit more slowly in 2009.

I'm happy to have succeeded in one of my 2008 goals, at least. After several years of being an almost-vegetarian, eating chicken (but no other meat) at work conferences, in microwave lunches, etc., I took a look at my growing belief that I did not want to be eating animal flesh and my past choice to continue doing so because it was convenient. I decided, a year ago, to cut chicken out of my diet, and go full vegetarian.

It hasn't always been easy with work conferences, but I don't regret doing this at all. I am thrilled to have been able to make the full transition. J.'s been a vegetarian for almost 20 years now, so he's been veggie the entire time he and I have been together, so he's happy, too. I discovered two unforeseen side effects to my decision:

1) It gives me a chance to act like a pretty, pretty princess.

By this I mean, really, that it gives me an opportunity to stand up for myself and say , “no, the steak restaurant is not okay" or “no, the iceberg lettuce salad from the plated meal is not an acceptable lunch for me.” I have always had a hard time rocking the boat or saying no, but this gives me an external motivation for doing so.

2) It gives me an additional restriction.

I actually really, really love boundaries. Before, at a restaurant, I always vacillated between getting a vegetarian meal and getting a chicken dish; now, my options are pared down for me even further, and it's oddly comforting for me to know that. Of course, I'm thrown back into decision paralysis whenever we go to Haymarket or Bela or Evolution.

I hope you are all well and I look forward to getting back into communication. Happy New Year!

In the spirit of trying something new, I finally went with motes to a roller derby practice, and I loved it. Granted, tonight I was largely practicing not falling down in preparation for lots of future falling down. The other people there were all very welcoming and everyone seemed to be almost disturbingly hot, but this may just mean I'm generally attracted to the type of people who would be interested in derby. At any rate, now I want my tattoo more than ever.

I have to remember that getting exercise and getting out both help counteract the job and life stress; I'm feeling more and more of a disconnect with my identity as it is expressed at work, and want to keep moving along the path of figuring out exactly what that identity is...or, at least, its general parameters.

After having a fun dinner with soulstorage last night, she and I spent about an hour in Sephora, which has finally opened a store in our area. I was amused to discover that both Urban Decay and Too Faced have a line of glittery products with names like Backstage, Amp, Stalker-something, and Roadie. Bandom make-up! They should just make a product called "Wentz" and be done with it. I did end up spending too much money on make-up, but I had a great time exploring everything with M. and trying different products on. I don't wear make-up at all on a day-to-day basis, but do like experimenting with it when I go out.

My TBPID special edition box set has not yet arrived. I'll console myself by watching Amanda Palmer's new video another twenty times or so.

Lots of issues proceeding apace in real life right now, but they're mostly moving towards resolution, or, at least, towards some sort of balance. That said, this post is strictly bandom, as enjoying and partaking in the concerts and the fandom continue to open up new avenues of joy for me.

I can't believe I went down to NYC to go two concerts (Love Cats and MSI) in one night; I would not have done that a year ago, mostly because I would have been trying to work on the weekend, so this is good, crazy as it seems.

ETA: Thanks, devon, for making the pictures of Frank so much better!

( The Love Cats at the Highline Ballroom, NYC, 6/27. Concert report and pictures )

Lots of life stuff going on, some of it very stressful, and I'd prefer not to write about it here until things are more settled. But *hugs* to you all, and sorry to be so absent across the board.

In much less serious, and, in fact, slightly ridiculous news, given statements I've made in the past, I just bought tickets to not one, but two Leathermouth/Reggie and the Full Effect shows in September (NYC on 9/7, Cambridge on 9/9).

Last night I had an unbelievable migraine, the type that makes me feel like my left eye is being battered from within, about the shatter like glass, like a cheap plastic bead, like there's some poison pumping through my bloodstream, overloading all of the blood vessels in my brain...which I know is, more or less, a literalization of what a migraine is, a misreading of the signs for dilation, for contraction. The sudden change to overwhelming heat and humidity must have brought it on during the day, as I spent most of the day amping myself up with Excedrin and coffee to try to fight the early symptoms, and only ended up making myself incredibly nauseous and incredibly cranky at work and somehow agreeing, after an afternoon's worth of odd back-and-forthing with another department, to go to Seattle for a week, under less than ideal arrangements that I may have brought upon myself.

At any rate, I came home, took one of my emergency stash of strong pain-killers, lapsed into the Dreamlands for a while, and woke up in a cool sweat when I finally realized that the light invading my lucid dreams was not the spark of the halo but the cooler flash of lightning, blue instead of green-red. I stepped out on the porch for a while, and the night sky was so chained with lightning that it did not have time to grow dark again. I remembered something I hadn't thought about in years, kissing someone in an attic room during a similarly electric summer storm, and then I went back inside and slept for another hour or two. The storm broke the worst of the heat and the worst of my headache.

I've been up since 4, and very productively so - been able to get a chunk of writing done, some academic, some not. Sometimes, post-migraine, I have a sudden upswing in mood and energy, even if I'm still feeling a little blurry around the edges of my vision, my body. Don't know if other people experience that? I also, though, wonder if some of the euphoria comes from the aftereffect of the pain meds.

I wish I had the time or guts, really, to call out of work and stay home and do more of my own work, but I'm taking a lot of time off, really, as it is.

OK, back to work to see what I can finish before having to leave for the work that is not me.

Back from New Jersey - The Love Cats show down in Asbury was an amazing amount of fun. I am going to take a nap now and post a more detailed report later, once I've managed some sleep and work .

Just quickly -- bought a ticket for The Love Cats in NYC on Friday 6/27; according to the MySpace page for the incredibly hot, very 1988-BobSmithian lead singer of the Love Cats, the band will be playing at the School of Rock Festival in Philly on Sunday, 6/29, but I haven't been able to find any more information about this. They're not on the main page for the festival, at any rate.

Does anyone know anything about a Philly show?

Frankie playing bass while wearing a cat mask? I could see some more of that.

...and seeing him and his amazingly hot wife together was almost more than I could handle. I literally whipped my head the other way when they crossed to each other directly in front of me and were about to hug/smooch. It's not that I don't want to see that; I was just feeling extra stalkery given how much I would, indeed, really like to see that.

Plus, the band was just good, and there were maybe 100 (?) people there, a chunk of whom were actually there to bowl, so the internet got to talk with Frank a bit at the end. In the bit of interaction I had with him, I managed to be a complete dork, of course. *facepalm*

Also, he cut his hair very short; I was kind of hoping he was going to grow it out again. Oh, well.

OK, more later.

Oh, sheesh, I just got home from another round of travel and now I see that Frankie's in a Cure tribute band:

http://community.livejournal.com/chemicalromance/3184278.html#cutid1

This sounds like it should be fic, doesn't it? This might be hard to resist. Damn you, Frank.

ETA: Just bought tickets. Anyone else going?!

Because I've been slightly freaking out about this birthday, I've made very few plans for it, and consequently have been enjoying my low-key weekend so far.

J. & I went on a date last night and ate french fries and saw Iron Man. (I know - I'm a bad geek. J. saw it opening weekend and has been so impatient for me to get done with my MCRing already and see it.) LOVED it, and I'm sure anything I'd say would just repeat others' more astute observations. Found RDJ incredibly attractive and compelling throughout, and found a few scenes erotic that I probably shouldn't have. But, still, Iron Man: who knew? Never has been a Marvel title I've really read.

I'm still coughing (thanks, Frank!), but getting better. J. and I are going to go wandering in search of brunch, though may need to go further afield than town, as Smith graduation weekend is underway.

Love to you all.

Dollhouse trailer

With bonus Tahmoh Penikett.

Want. Now.

lyssabard, this is one for us, my twin.

Getting ready to leave for work, and a check of this morning's stories over at the Snarry Games, where I've been reading some miraculously good fics, revealed that my story is now up over there.

As always, my themes aren't to everyone's tastes, I know, but, if you're curious, follow the link. My prompts were angst, pensieve, and ménage à trois, and my threesome is Harry/Lily/Snape, with some pensieve-induced underage intreractions.


Playing Azkaban (Harry/Lily/Snape, R, 6200 words)


Otherwise, please do go read some of the amazing stories other writers have posted!

I'm sick again, too sick to even think about the second Panic show. I am not even going to complain about this, though, because I was really down on my hands and knees, begging to get sick, what with the no sleep and the constant dehydration and long waits on concrete and the standing outside in the cold New York City rain.

It doesn't matter.

This has been one of the most memorable, important weeks of my life in many years. I don't even have words yet for the MSG show; I can only say how grateful I was to be at this show with old friends and new. I've cried many times already, and G's words at the end of the night are the ones I'll be carrying with me.

I will keep myself alive.